Poetry: S-T-R-E-S-S over a ridiculous thing

i hate most my own incompetency
i am stressed most by my own stupidity
not by what it caused
but by the fact that i was and was stupid at all
and it was
in the grand scheme
largely inconsequential
but it irritated and burned and made me restless
and i couldn't sleep
(but i blame not just myself,
i say my internet connection (slow
i say my long day (social
i say my hormones (sex
)

Haha first instinct when faced with stress is not fight or flight. It’s write a goddamn poem that is absolutely useless and not even very good. Okay so seriously it was nothing. We were doing a by-pair oral report. I did my part, but I initially uploaded the wrong version of a file. It was like, what. One+ hour before I realized. And it made no sense for me to have two files AND NOT KNOW IT. I was like, where did all of my edits go? I kept opening the file on my desktop –the one I first uploaded–, and the diagrams, and references and in-text citations were missing. WHAT. I worked my ass off for those. First spike of panic. And then god I pulled myself together and I remembered that my MS Powerpoint hung in the middle of one of my editing sessions. I reopened the program and a recovered file went through. Obviously I worked on and saved my recovered file, since my most recent edits weren’t saved. But I didn’t even question the fact that I wasn’t asked whether or not to keep both or replace the first file, since I saved the recovered file under the same name. I just kept working and saving and shit. Good thing I remembered that when I was panicking. I found the recovered-file-latest-file in my documents folder and GAH it was just so stupid. But still. I didn’t even realize what it meant that I only uploaded a 200 MB file initially. WHAT. That’s like a whatever file that’s really lacking in the diagrams and references and pictures I put in. Aaaaah. The real file was 2x as big in file size. ARGHHHHH. And I had to bother my pairmate who was about to get some shut-eye because I was aaaaah irritating myself and my existence and ohmygod this was a failure of very idiotic proportions. INCOMPETENCE. IN SAVING A FILE. HOW STUPID IS THAT. I mean how am I suppose to pursue a career in secretarial/executive administration if I can’t even keep track of my files? Also hormones. And I did drink coffee. And seriously, my internet connection is in new levels of slow today. It’s like factors of the universe are conspiring to STRESS ME OUT at the exact moment I’m preparing to go to bed GOD.

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